MARK “CHOPPER” READ SPEAKS OUT ABOUT THE REBEL TOUR

TIME FOR ANSWERS...

by THE COLT

How many times am I going to read the same thing over and over about the new proposed ESPN/Slater ‘rebel’ tour? I mean everyday the same story, same information, same people, same mags writing the same thing over and over without any closure. It’s like eating your own vomit time and time again. We get it. ESPN is looking at starting a new style of tour, so does everyone, seriously EVERYONE have to write the same freakin’ thing? Every article saying they don’t have the answers, they spoke with so and so and they weren’t sure, or this guys worried and on and on. Well, guess what we finally got to to the bottom of it all! Fed up with it all we got on the phone, called Kelly about the incident and said we wouldn’t hang up until it’s sorted. Well something wierd unfolded with Slater telling us things had changed, and this tour is now with Mark ‘Chopper’ Reid. We thought WTF? Slater was talking pretty sheepishly like something big had gone down. Being mates of the big guy we tracked him down in his little Tassie home and gave him a tingle…

G’day Chop, how are ya mate?

“How the fuck are ya’s?”

Mate we’re good. We’ve been chasing a story about the ‘rebel’ surf tour that’s been floating around the traps and we’ve been told to give you a call. We spoke with Slater earlier today but he was pretty shaken up and said you had some answers. What’s going on chief?

“hahahahahaha yeah fucken Slater, he’s a good guy but I’m a better one. There’s been so much debate, hype and talk gettin’ round the fuckin place talkin about this new anti AS-fucken-P rebel tour that Kelly and his crew are thinkin’ of runnin’. I was so sick of hearin’ the same shit with nothing actually fucken happenin so I stepped in to sort it fucken out. The only bloody rebel tour that’s gettin round town is me. Forget Slater’s tour bloody rebel sport bullshit, he aint’ the man in fucken charge, they took too bloody long to sort this shit out and someone had to step in. I’m the fucker that’s organizin it now.”

That’s crazy, ummmm I mean awesome mate. Why are you getting involved in all this stuff? I didn’t know you surfed.

“As far as I can see the current AS-fucken-P format is bullshit and missin’ the key areas of a real fucken sport. For one where are the fucken guns? When I paddle out in a comp, me 42 calibre gets me into the fucken final everytime. No shit of a lie. I remember back in 84 when I was smashin’ it up with the boys at the local Roo Island boardriders and this little fucker Bartoz paddled out into the lineup during the first heat. He paddled over and told me he was the one to beat ’cause he was almost on the WQ-fucken-S’. Bullshit I told the prick, I leaned over and pistol whipped the little fucker, broke his nose and cheek bone. He shut the fuck up then, paddled in and disappeared for a few years. I fucken won that day and I’ve loved the sport ever since.”

Ummm that’s great Chop, good to hear mate, but what about this current rebel tour, what’s going on there? Everyone’s in a stoop and carrying on not knowing what’s happening…

“Sorry boyz, me stories get me fucken goin’ and I get all excited again. hahahahahahaha. Back to me fucken rebel tour…how many fucken media places want to talk about the same fucken bullshit day in day out? I was sick of the fucken carry on so I decided I’d sort the fucken thing out meself. You ready for the fucken answers to the big questions?”

Yes please Chop Chop…

“We’ve got the ‘Chopper’ pro tour sorted with ESPN and will be taking off some time soon. I pick 16 hard mother fuckers to compete for the title and the big prize money and a few other fucken goodies. Each heat’ll have two hard pricks surfing in one on one heats and the loser gets knifed by one of me heavies. Wont kill the prick, just stab the fucker so that next heat he’s gonna have to work even harder. hahahahahahaha I’ll cap it at three stabs so they don’t get too fucked up cause we need em for each event. I know from experience they’ll be fucken fine from three hits. The winner gets a massive fucken supply of cash, a few of me connections, a fucken radical double action shottie and fucken sweet ass harley. It’s fucken all time!”

Sounds killer bro. So who’s sponsoring the whole thing?

“Don’t ever call me bro again ya fucker, me names Chop airight… Now, I’ve got the backin’ of a heap of sponno’s that owe me favours round the joint and they’ve heaps of fucken’ coin that they shouldn’t have, so they’re doing what I say or I’ll kill the bastards. After a few meetings they’ve become very keen to get involved with it all and we’ve come to a deal where they can travel through all the destinations partyin’ and doin’ what they do best and they can prob even make more money of the back of it, if you get me drift.”

Yeah nice. So what happened to Slater and his managers involvement? How did you come in and take over?

“Like I said I fucken snapped the other day when I kept hearing the same shit stories being shot around the place. So when I made up me mind that I was gettin involved I met with Terry fucken Hardy. Within 15 minutes of him carryin’ on and gettin’ nowhere I smacked him across the face and told him to shut the fuck up! There’s no need for fucken every idiot to be talkin’ shit about this tour without making somethin’ happen. Told him Chop is takin’ over so he shut the fuck up, packed his fuckin bags, and went cryin’ over to Mat Tinleys house. Never heard from em since? hahahahahahaha I’m not that bad of a person ya know. I’m just tryin’ to make shit better for everyone…”

You are Chop. Thanks for your time and is there anything else you want to let us know?

“hahahahaha, to all you fuckers that don’t know what the fuck is happenin, hearin the same shit every other fucken day, you now know. I’m fucken Chopper and this is the fucken ‘Chopper’ tour. You’ll get ya invites soon and you don’t be sayin’ NO. Can’t wait to see me fucken’ boys CJ & TAJ and me mate Slater. We’re all mates at the end of it all.”

Sweet! Look forward to it Chop Chop. Thanks for clearing it up once and for all…

“Yep, no worries fella’s…”

So there you have it. It’s all sorted, so no matter what you read or hear from here on in the debate is sorted. Time for the carry on to finish.

*NOTE: The above conversation is fictitious & none of the above characters were involved in this mock conversation. No seriously…

DBAH JUICE

Shooter: Simon Muirhead
Location: Dbah, QLD, Australia

Check out Simon’s profile on mesurf > SimSurf profile

SIGNS

A SIGN?

Ever read into something thinking “A sign” while everyone else around you just saw it as a random event? Well today 14th July 2009, a 15 ft basking shark washed up on a beach outside NY. Ok, ocean animals die and wash up on beaches time to time (which is fucked up and sad but true), but two things make this instance a little whack

1. “”She says it is unusual for an ailing basking shark to come ashore. Usually they die in the ocean.” – ocean researcher Tracy Marcusis
2. The name of the area this shark washed ashore is called…BABYLON.

So what? Head of Babylon? Know about Babylon?
“Babylon was a city-state of ancient Mesopotamia, sometimes considered an empire. It has been officially recognised as one of the first civilisations on earth. It was the “holy city” of Babylonia by approximately 2300 BCE, and the seat of the Neo-Babylonian Empire from 612 BCE.“

I’m far from a religious person, but when a creature like the Basking Shark of that size washes up into a place that carries the same name as a significant civilisation then what the fuck am I supposed to think? We’re currently fucking up the world day by day, old news I know, but when we have occurrences like this happening and we all just stand back and watch, thinking “shit, that’s a big shark.” shouldn’t we actually be sitting up and listening?

Spiritual bullshit? Perhaps, each to their own, but for me, the colt, I’m taking this as a sign people and if in 2012 we’re all scrambling for our lives as the earth commits its own suicide then all I’ll be saying is “I fuckin’ told ya!” as I run board under arm to get out past the 300ft sets rolling through.

You’ve been warned…

– The Colt

SAVING THE ECONOMY ONE JOB AT A TIME

Design Manager – Covers & Luggage

Posted by mesurf

Yep, times are tough, jobs are being lost like there’s no tomorrow and Swan doesn’t seem to have the solutions. It’s all doom and gloom…until now!

The legendary crew at Creatures of Leisure are playing their role in making the economy that little bit better and offering up a role in their design department.

Creatures are looking for an individual to manage the design, development and production of our technical product range including luggage and board covers.

Suitable candidates would need to be experienced in the following:
•    Product design
•    Product development
•    Production process experience related to technical luggage and other fabric/multi-component items

Job Description:

•    Oversee and manage the design, development and product of the technical product range including luggage and board covers

•    Be responsible for creating a complete merchandised luggage and board cover range from design through to delivery including sampling and commercial production

•    Work with sales and marketing personnel to ensure synergies with overall brand style and commercial needs

•    Work with suppliers/manufacturers to source and develop new materials, componentry, fabrics, treatments and technologies

•    Provide technical expertise on the category and have the ability to present projects and concepts to senior management, sales staff and participate in the trade show environment

•    Have the ability to deliver on seasonal timelines and within seasonal time constraints

•    Be responsible for the development, management and review of quality control and quality assurance standards with suppliers

•    Be primarily responsible for the commercial negotiations on pricing in relation to the technical bag and luggage category

Previous experience working in a busy medium sized business environment is essential, as is a minimum of 2 years direct experience in product management, design and sourcing.  Applicants with an action/outdoor sports background in these areas are strongly encouraged to apply.

International and domestic travel as required will form a part of this role. This is a permanent, full time position based in Dunsborough, Western Australia.  (See http://www.geographebay.com for information on the area) The southwest of Western Australia is widely acknowledged as one of the most beautiful places in the world, offering residents a high standard of living, great climate, access to world class wineries, national parks, surf breaks and so on.

Applications inclusive of a detailed CV and cover letter will be received until COB Friday 24th July, 2009 and will be treated in strict confidence.

Please Forward Resumes to:
The National Sales Manager
Creatures of Leisure, 11 Clark Street, Dunsborough W.A. 6281
Fax 08 9755 3603
Email vacancy@creatures.com.au

Creatures of Leisure are a leading International Surfing Company specialising in surfing hardware and accessories.  Established for 23 years, Creatures of Leisure distributes its products to an International market via more than 20 distributors as well as having company owned operations in Australia and the United States.   Additional company information can be found at http://www.creatures.com.au.